The more time you have your kids the less you pay. If you get them 50% of the time you dont pay anything. Child support is based exactly on percentage of time kids are in your care. Go for full custody if you can that way she pays you. Split physical and legal custody also helps that way she cant up and just move them to timbuktu without your permission. Protect yourself sir.
Guess its over
- Thread starter Lepisosteus platyrhincus
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I've been through this, but in Canada, so a lot of it is different, but most rules still apply.
Custody works like this - if you live close enough to each other, and in the same school district, then you want shared custody either on a weekly, or a bi-weekly schedule - this way you have equal time with the kids - only one ADDRESS will be named for Primary which is often with the Mother but I do know Fathers that are listed as Primary.
I have no idea where you live, so I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the numbers, but it works like this in a shared custody arrangement (at least out here & many other places)
Lets say you earn $30,000 and she earns $20,000, and you have 2 kids - First you calculate what you would pay her based on $30,000 and her having the kids full time, then you calculate what she would pay you based on $20,000 if you had the kids full time - your amount minus her amount equals what you would pay her (or vice versa if she makes more than you).
If she doesn't work, that can make things more difficult because then you could also be responsible for alimony.
If it's available to you, and you know that the default amount will break the bank, then file for undue hardship.
In all honesty, no-one actually needs to courts to decide on custody or support arrangements if parents can work together for the best of the kids, but unfortunately it's quite often that parents use the kids as some form of leverage in one way or another.
Make sure you request that she is not permitted to speak ill of you to the kids, or with the kids around to hear it (and you agree to the same), and be very detailed in any sort of arrangements for holidays, time from school, doctor appointments, dental, everything related to making decisions for the kids.
If you cannot agree with each other about things regarding the kids, judges are less likely to rule towards a shared custody arrangement, so whatever you do, bite your tongue, avoid mud-slinging, and if she is as you have stated in your posts, she may very well sink her own ship if she cannot keep her mouth shut.
Custody works like this - if you live close enough to each other, and in the same school district, then you want shared custody either on a weekly, or a bi-weekly schedule - this way you have equal time with the kids - only one ADDRESS will be named for Primary which is often with the Mother but I do know Fathers that are listed as Primary.
I have no idea where you live, so I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the numbers, but it works like this in a shared custody arrangement (at least out here & many other places)
Lets say you earn $30,000 and she earns $20,000, and you have 2 kids - First you calculate what you would pay her based on $30,000 and her having the kids full time, then you calculate what she would pay you based on $20,000 if you had the kids full time - your amount minus her amount equals what you would pay her (or vice versa if she makes more than you).
If she doesn't work, that can make things more difficult because then you could also be responsible for alimony.
If it's available to you, and you know that the default amount will break the bank, then file for undue hardship.
In all honesty, no-one actually needs to courts to decide on custody or support arrangements if parents can work together for the best of the kids, but unfortunately it's quite often that parents use the kids as some form of leverage in one way or another.
Make sure you request that she is not permitted to speak ill of you to the kids, or with the kids around to hear it (and you agree to the same), and be very detailed in any sort of arrangements for holidays, time from school, doctor appointments, dental, everything related to making decisions for the kids.
If you cannot agree with each other about things regarding the kids, judges are less likely to rule towards a shared custody arrangement, so whatever you do, bite your tongue, avoid mud-slinging, and if she is as you have stated in your posts, she may very well sink her own ship if she cannot keep her mouth shut.
Of course its to see my kids more, and so my kids have their real home, to come to.
Here in PA its complicated but we are a split parent state. If she chooses to take me to court, she will lose. Iv been trying to cone to an agreement outside of courts and lawyers but she refuses.
We already have an agreement in place, but its BAAADDD for me. I signed it way back when she moved out in desperation to fix my marriage. Well, that failed.
And im not sure how child support is figured out, but I do know that with my salary the max it could be would be about $150 dollars OVER what a full paycheck was as a full time walmart employee (so glad I quit there). Thankfully some things would change it, but not many and I dont even have an extra $50 to give the (expletive).
Oh and in the fire service there is no secrets(we both are in it, as are both the guys she had affairs with). Her life is imploding, seemingly worse than mine atm, so...
Here in PA its complicated but we are a split parent state. If she chooses to take me to court, she will lose. Iv been trying to cone to an agreement outside of courts and lawyers but she refuses.
We already have an agreement in place, but its BAAADDD for me. I signed it way back when she moved out in desperation to fix my marriage. Well, that failed.
And im not sure how child support is figured out, but I do know that with my salary the max it could be would be about $150 dollars OVER what a full paycheck was as a full time walmart employee (so glad I quit there). Thankfully some things would change it, but not many and I dont even have an extra $50 to give the (expletive).
Oh and in the fire service there is no secrets(we both are in it, as are both the guys she had affairs with). Her life is imploding, seemingly worse than mine atm, so...
Ok, I'm going to do some research on court decisions there and how they work things in family court. Did you both have independent lawyers when you signed the first agreement, because if you didn't, then those typically hold absolutely no water in court; you can even claim you signed it under duress, which would be a fact, and have it thrown out.
There are a number of points you can raise in affidavits that you or your lawyer would need to file with the courts (of course I still need to check your process so I can say any of this with certainty) and you could back up your claims for full custody, or even be listed as primary by noting your concerns regarding the affairs ONLY if the children were made aware of those affairs by her own doing (like her & one of the affairs going somewhere with the kids, or the kids being home when another man that she had an affair with visited while you were not present etc).
As I said, it's all in how you approach it - using facts as a basis to back up what you are requesting the court to decide rather than using it as a mud-slinging character flaw, if that makes sense.
I do have a number of questions, but they are probably overly private and not my place to ask them since you don't know me lol
Off to research!
There are a number of points you can raise in affidavits that you or your lawyer would need to file with the courts (of course I still need to check your process so I can say any of this with certainty) and you could back up your claims for full custody, or even be listed as primary by noting your concerns regarding the affairs ONLY if the children were made aware of those affairs by her own doing (like her & one of the affairs going somewhere with the kids, or the kids being home when another man that she had an affair with visited while you were not present etc).
As I said, it's all in how you approach it - using facts as a basis to back up what you are requesting the court to decide rather than using it as a mud-slinging character flaw, if that makes sense.
I do have a number of questions, but they are probably overly private and not my place to ask them since you don't know me lol
Off to research!
There is a calculator, though you probably tried it, but if you haven't, see if the numbers are the same for you: http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/pennsylvania/default.asp
In order to get any sort of reduction on what you pay for CS in PA, your kids would need to spend the bare minimum of 146 overnights with you. So, even if you go 50/50, you need to be very clear about the sharing of summer holidays, school holidays, and other holidays (xmas, easter etc). Not having those as part of the agreement could inevitably be what she may use to reduce your overnights to increase the child support.
I was married to one of those, so I've been there. The system in Canada is pretty pathetic to say the least, and I gave up the constant return to court BS every 7 to 8 months when he would try filing yet something else to make a change that would never happen, or to whine that he just couldn't pay support. After 6 years of constant in & out of court with him trying to change the final court order, I gave up the more than $27000 child support arrears he owed at that point. I received a total of $6211 in child support payments, over 6 years, for our FOUR kids who I had 100% custody, and yep, he dragged me to court every 7 to 8 months after the date of the last financial statement (it's 6 months from the last financial per family court law here) which meant unpaid time off work to travel to file papers, make copies, mail copies, file an affidavit of service, add papers to the continuing record, all at my expense (this was a full day episode), not to mention the cost of gas and parking. Then the court appearance which would basically net nothing for him, and of course no child support for the kids would get paid; I represented myself through the whole process which wasn't that bad, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper since I couldn't even imagine affording a lawyer.
So yeah, I've been through the BS you get when you've been married to a jealous vindictive spouse.
In order to get any sort of reduction on what you pay for CS in PA, your kids would need to spend the bare minimum of 146 overnights with you. So, even if you go 50/50, you need to be very clear about the sharing of summer holidays, school holidays, and other holidays (xmas, easter etc). Not having those as part of the agreement could inevitably be what she may use to reduce your overnights to increase the child support.
I was married to one of those, so I've been there. The system in Canada is pretty pathetic to say the least, and I gave up the constant return to court BS every 7 to 8 months when he would try filing yet something else to make a change that would never happen, or to whine that he just couldn't pay support. After 6 years of constant in & out of court with him trying to change the final court order, I gave up the more than $27000 child support arrears he owed at that point. I received a total of $6211 in child support payments, over 6 years, for our FOUR kids who I had 100% custody, and yep, he dragged me to court every 7 to 8 months after the date of the last financial statement (it's 6 months from the last financial per family court law here) which meant unpaid time off work to travel to file papers, make copies, mail copies, file an affidavit of service, add papers to the continuing record, all at my expense (this was a full day episode), not to mention the cost of gas and parking. Then the court appearance which would basically net nothing for him, and of course no child support for the kids would get paid; I represented myself through the whole process which wasn't that bad, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper since I couldn't even imagine affording a lawyer.
So yeah, I've been through the BS you get when you've been married to a jealous vindictive spouse.
Numbers are exactly what I thought theyd be. I wont be paying max, but I will be paying more than I made in a single paycheck as a FT walmart employee.... And I didnt make mininum wage either.
And I can actually go as low as 40% of the time to see the reduction.
And I can actually go as low as 40% of the time to see the reduction.
sorry for barging in, and any thing I suggest may not be applicable in " custom law" countries, but have you thought on going for full custody ( without mudslinging of course because this only hurts the kids )? With what you wrote, I would say you would have strong arguments for that.
I agree with this as well. I can't find a lot of non-bungled-together information on the laws out there for family law cases, but one thing that can end up weighing heavily out here is what is called status-quo.
The thing is, once spouses or former partners split up, the one that has the kids with them is now building status quo. Asking for full custody after letting her move out with the kids can make it more difficult to change because your actions imply that she is a good mother regardless of her past behaviour in the marriage.
I certainly hope things work out for you as to what is best for the kids, I'm just trying to post some possible things to think about, or be aware of as you begin your fight.
ive been to court for custody twice, and another two for child support. no matter what you kind find out about what normally happens in your state or what the guidelines are their, it all comes down to what parent can provide a better home, ie what you can prove. my best advice is to document EVERYTHING she does. are they eating healthy? proper and clean clothing? getting to school ontime? is she showing up on time to drop off/pickup on visits? are you able to call the kids? is she instigating fights in front of the kids? all this seems small but trust me, after a few months it adds up and does carry some weight in court. of course you may not be able to prove any of this is true, however, if its all documented and laid out neatly a judge will most likely take it all under advisement.
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