Joke Anybody??

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.

Sent from my cave
 
A black haired, a blonde and a brunette are stranded. They get kidnapped by cannibals and the tribe leader says: Every one of you has to shove 2 fruits of choice up her backside. If you laugh, we eat you, if you stay quiet you'll be allowed to live.
So they go off and after a while the brunette comes back with a strawberry and a grape. She manages the strawberry, but the grape is too much and she laughs and is killed. Next the black haired comes along with a raspberry and a cherry. She too doesn't make it, giggles and gets killed. In heaven the two meet and the brunette asks: "So you laughed, too, huh? Well those fruits were quite tickly after all". The black haired replies: "Actually, it wasn't that bad. But when the cherry was halfway in I saw the blonde come along with a watermelon and a pineapple"! :D
 
A blonde pulls into a repair shop with her car and tells the repair man that her car is running rough. He says he will take a look at it, so she sits down and waits, but not too much longer he comes out and says ok your all set. She asked what the problem was. He said "oh just crap in the carburetor". She replies, "well how often do i have to do that"???
 
A Welshman is shipwrecked and gets washed up on a desert island with just a collie dog and a sheep for company. After a few days the Welshman starts to feel a bit frisky and begins to eye up the sheep. The collies instinct kicks in and wont let him anywhere near the sheep.A few more days pass by and to his great delight a beautiful young lady is washed ashore. Oh,im so pleased to see you he said to her, would you do me a great favour and take the dog for a walk.
 
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass. 1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And they tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
LAY BACK AND ENJOY LIFE!! (lol)
 
A rocket launches from Houston to mars with two monkeys and a woman on board. Houston says to monkey one adjust oxygen20% stop radar Phase up to warp factor 3 first monkey says O.K.
Houston to monkey 2 Switch on radiation shield adjust Anti gravitational throttle second monkey o.k.done Houston to woman Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.
 
Yo mamma so hairy bigfoot's taking pictures of her

Yo mamma so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie
 
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