Thanks, I know what I know about the Blues, but There are a lot of other people here who know much more than me about Dempsey.... Especially sexing them.
I think 3.5" is pretty darn close to breeding size for a regular female Dempsey.
My Blues seem to reach spawning age pretty close to 14 months, rather than size. Fed well, mine reach 1 1/2" in 5-6 months. Since that's about the size the are usually sold/bought at, you can guesstimate the age of your male.
Back to sexing Regular Dempseys... females seem to have less color overall, except for black, and unless they're stressed, in which case they go light grey. When happy, dominant female in the tank, or in breeding color, the can get very black through the whole body and the Electric blue spots/spangling around the jaw area becomes very intense.
I'm not very confident in picking/avoiding male Dempseys, but The seem to be lighter and more colorful in the body overall. Below is a photo of a young adult, but not yet colored up EBJD, a female BGJD (They look just like regulr JDs) she is in moderate breeding colors with egg depositor visible if you look carefully under her skirt, and a young, just maturing sub-dominant male BGJD. Notive the rainbow coloration in the male BGJD...