That's What She Said
- Thread starter hunglikeafish3611
- Start date
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
> spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
> There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
>
> 'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
>
> The owner looked at her and said,
> 'Look, I should tell you first that this b ird used to
> live in a house of Prostitution
> and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
>
> The woman thought about this, but decided
> she had to have the bird any way.
>
> She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
> in her living room and waited for it to say something.
>
> The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
> 'New house, new madam.'
>
> The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
> but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
>
> When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
> the bird saw and said,
> 'New house, new madam, new girls.'
>
> The girls and the woman were a bit offended
> but then began to laugh about the situation
> considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
>
> Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
> came home from work.
> The bird looked at him and said,
> 'Hi, Keith!'
>
> spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
> There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
>
> 'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
>
> The owner looked at her and said,
> 'Look, I should tell you first that this b ird used to
> live in a house of Prostitution
> and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
>
> The woman thought about this, but decided
> she had to have the bird any way.
>
> She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
> in her living room and waited for it to say something.
>
> The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
> 'New house, new madam.'
>
> The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
> but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
>
> When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
> the bird saw and said,
> 'New house, new madam, new girls.'
>
> The girls and the woman were a bit offended
> but then began to laugh about the situation
> considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
>
> Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
> came home from work.
> The bird looked at him and said,
> 'Hi, Keith!'
>
Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:10 pm Post subject: Subject: Escaped Convict
Escaped Convict
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's ***, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided
to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager
sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors:
green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager
would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and
had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager
sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors:
green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager
would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and
had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Confession.
A husband confesses to his wife that she does not sexually turn him on. He also said that for the longenst time, every time they have sex, he uses a dildo on her.
Needless to say she was devistated, she demanded an explenation. She Screamed at him " goddammit explain yourself " he replied with " explain the kids bit**" !!
A husband confesses to his wife that she does not sexually turn him on. He also said that for the longenst time, every time they have sex, he uses a dildo on her.
Needless to say she was devistated, she demanded an explenation. She Screamed at him " goddammit explain yourself " he replied with " explain the kids bit**" !!
