U GOT JOKES?

[toehead11183]

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know,"says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

 

[Razman]

how do you catch a unique rabbit?



unique up on it.

how do you catch a tame rabbit?



tame way, unique up on it.

 

[AquataHolic420]

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs?

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Thats cool, reads mad easy...

 

[tankyou]

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know,"says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

I liked that one

 

[tankyou]

What's the longest word that spells the same front or back?




RACECAR



Why did Mickey leave Minnie?






Cause she was F@#%@ Goofy!

 

[tankyou]

Dumbest one of all.................

My mommy bought me a wooden whistle...tried to play and it wooden whistle.
Then my mommy bought me a steel whistle...tried to play it and it steel wooden whistle.
Now she got me a tin whistle....now it tin whistle.

 

[DeLgAdO]

dang.

a blond a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island. they find a lamp and a genie pops out. "i'll grant you each one wish!", he says.
the red head says, "i wish i was home." and poof, she's home.
the brunette says, "i wish i was home too." Poof, she's gone.
then the genie turns to the blonde, "what do you wish for?"
"i wish i weren't so lonely."
Poof the brunette and red head reappear on the island.

 

[BIGgourami]

lil' timmy has a terrible pottymouth,
one day timmy says to a class mate "did you see that peice of $H!T that someone left in the bathroom?"
the teacher corrects him "it's not nice to swear, say feces instead."
at lunch timmy told his friends "Saw II? yeah i saw that it was F*%# scary!"
his teacher overheard and said "it's not nice to swear like that."
lil timmy was getting ready to go home and told a friend "a drunk guy was standing on the train tracks when a train came, and it went right up his @$$hole!*"
the teacher heard this and says annoyed, "timmy! it's really not nice to say that! say rectum instead"
timmy looks at his friends and then back at his teacher "rectum? it F*%$ing KILLED him!"

 

[tankyou]

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?






Your job back, your girl back, your dog back, your truck back, etc.

 

[OscarRobinson]

My six year old daughter told me this yesterday. Mom has three kids. Kid #1 says, "Mom why did you name me rose". Mom said, "Because when you were born a rose fell on your head". Kid #2 says, "Mom why did you name me daisy." Mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head". Kid #3 says, "Whhwh grrr wawawa" Mom says, what do you want now cinder block head".