U GOT JOKES?

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
got these from mee-mee on AC

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose itches
or you have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probaility: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity
of your act.
4. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
5. Law of the Telephone: When you dial the wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move
faster than the one you were in (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meetimg someone you know increases when
you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chance of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face
down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are
talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you like, they will stop making it.
 
BIGgourami;866249; said:
got these from mee-mee on AC

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose itches
or you have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probaility: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity
of your act.
4. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
5. Law of the Telephone: When you dial the wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move
faster than the one you were in (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meetimg someone you know increases when
you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chance of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face
down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are
talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you like, they will stop making it.
Click to expand...

These were really good.:grinno:
 
Maybe the following will refresh your memory..

Subject: IRS Inspector

At the end of the tax year the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a
synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these matzo (bread) purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap
him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send back to the
manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the
know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "What do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Internal Revenue Service, and about once a year they send us a complete dick." :ROFL:
 
:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
 
lol, thats good.

just made this one up:

youre a good person..........































to bad nobody wants to stay around you long enough to find out ;)
 
This was filed as an update to a report somewhere in the workplace.....

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
details will be sufficient.

I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my
work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later,
were found to be slightly more than 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks
down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which
was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and un tied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in
section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers! on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great
deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of
the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid
descent, down the side of the building . In the vicinity of the third floor,
I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,
broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of! bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your questions.
 
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