Its just a gigantic mess, and I don't understand why its so important for you to be able to say that one word.
And most straight folk of either gender will never understand why you all are so upset about it.
I am of the mind set that if people want to get passed the past, they need to let go of it and move on. People who have been victimized in the past who insist on maintaining their raw, open wounds instead of letting them heal do nothing but hurt their cause. I see a lot of people in this thread who are growing increasingly frustrated with transsexual folks thanks to this conversation.
The majority is the greatest ally of any minority group who wishes to be accepted. By alienating members of the majority who may be amicable to your cause by 'reminding' them of transgressions committed by people who look like them in the past, you'll never gain their support and acceptance and all of us as a community will never move on.