is there a cure or pessimism? (vent/help)

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
What ever you do, do not watch The Wall in that state, you will go crazy. Listen to ...music like...The Allman Brothers, real good music, cheerful but not stupid. The Wall makes you think about everything wrong, death, destruction, decay, i missed 3 days sleep just pondering, fearing death. Music = best therapy...i just occured to me you probably have no idea what I'm talking about :uhoh: any way this is the best music
http://www.allmanbrothersband.com/
http://www.thewallanalysis.com/Intro.html
 
you guys are the best!!!

todays (actually yesterday) ive been at my all time lowest, literally felt like i was dieing.

so i decided to read this book my mom got me from christmas 2005 i never acutally red it.

its called Self "matters" by Phillip C. Mc Graw (yep you guessed it-Dr Phil!!!)

so as i was at my all time low i though "**** it, couldnt hurt :( ".

so istarted reading on the couch with a lamp to my felt and my fishtank across the room with the gentle trickle of the wet-dry:WHOA: was peace at its finest.

something that caught my eye

If your mind has gotten dull and you insist that you jsut arent as harp as you used to be , you arent getting old or dumb;its just that your authentic self is getting buried. Its fighting for air. If your emotions are marked by cynicism, apathy, hopelessness, and a lack of optimism, it is because you have abandoned yourself and what matters to you. If you are choosing what you to do, what you think about, and put , and put that at the top of your priority list based on what you think others expect instead of what matters to you , then you have become a fictional infection. Your authentic self has been infected with alot of non-genuine living that has has ignored who you are and has created a fictional self instead.

Ignoring who you truely, authentically are can be killing you, yes i said "literally". If you are ignoring who you really are, your entire system is so distressed that it will wear out, and you will be old beyond your years. Forcing yourself to be someone you are not, or stuffing down who you really are, is incredibly taxing. It will tax you so much that it will shorten your life by years and years
Click to expand...

****!! this is too true

ive found what makes me tick, my love for my animals and the way i care for them!!!

however i feel held back, i could never care for the them way i wanted to as im being held back by my parents, you think i feel good when my cockatiel spends 6 years in a garage because my mom doenst like her in the house??? when before my parents divorced she spend every single day outside of her cage exploring, NO!!!!

or that i have to plug in my powerhead back in as my fish gasp for air (not literally but they have that lethargic look), becasue my dad thinks its unessesary?

also you think i feel good seeing my aro curl 2 inches on her tail just to take up the width of my tank????

the time i feel when everything is right in this world is when i feed my fish, it sounds odd but today i gave my aro and my other fish the combo meal (shrimp, tilapia fillet and pellets).
i felt so proud feedin them, they had more energy than i had ever seen during feeding time and they ate alot today, realizing had raise these guy to monster on my own, with little to no help from anyone else. it was the best feeling in the world.

it was this same feeling that made me reconsider giving away all my fish and hang onto hope in getting them a bigger tank. a desision i dont regret AT ALL!!

i get this same feelnig from my cat, when im having a ****ty day and she jumps in my bed and starts purring and wants me to pet me. everything bad goes out the window and into the pits of hell where it belongs.

i feel even worse about my chinchilla

her cage was rusted to hell, the bedding tray has rusted a hole through it and the cage was placed in a corner with a bunch of junk. and i wasnt allowed to move it or id get a beating from my dad, and now shes gone..........:cry:

My mom always tell me that im not spending all this on my pets and that i should save for school, cloths, a car, etc, etc. Beside i know how to save, this isnt expensive at all :naughty: .

school is already taken care of from the start, im not stupid. I dont need new cloth, the one i have are just fine, and i certainly dont need a car, what to drive to school and back? yea right, ill walk, ride my bike, and take the bus. you got two cars jsut give me one dumbass. im not gunna suffer with car payments, insurance, work my ass off just to use it once a day. All these things mean nothing to me.

and today i had consiously realized all of this, i had given up on them and tryed to fin something else to make me happy, when it was in front of my face the whole time.........

does anyone understand this??
 
Glad your feeling better bro. I was actually worried about you. I feel the same way about my animals. When I'm having the worst of days and my pitbull Grimace jumps into my bed. I always think no matter what is wrong and who is against me Grimace will be there by my side ridin it out with me, and who cares about clothes and cars you should spend your money on what is important to you not what society tells us to spend our money on. You have seen the light :headbang2
 
glad to hear you are feeling better!!!! we knew you would get threw it most of us has been through the same thing as you.

and your bird that was in the garage i would have moved the cage i wouldnt care what would have happened.
 
I would never kill myself. I might, however, kill other people.:ROFL:
 
You have many choices everyday. Look at it like this:
Bullet Optimists see posibilities for everything and every one. Out of the darkness and into the LIGHT.
BulletPessimists see no hope in anyones situation so there isn't any point in playing Allman Brothers music, Katrina and the Waves (Walking on Sunshine..."why? It's hopeless. I'd rather die than walk on sunshine".
Hopeless is as hopeless does, my friend.
--Steve
 
Or do what I did.
When I was 19 (1979) I gave away all my pet's and hitch-hiked from San Diego to New Jerseyto stay with a buddy. What an adventure and culture shock! I ended up living with him and his family on Fort Dix (his Dad was a drill instructor there) and worked dying thread in a factory. Their is so much history back there... But I tell you, Del, after 6 months on the east coast I was homesick for San Diego and worked my way back. (Ever helped the Amish build a barn in Lancaster County Pennsylvania? Well, they were suspicious of me but, ever the optimists, they gave me a chance and they were pretty patient , too). (And I learned as well- of course):) (Ever f^%$#@d an Amish girl?...)
You ought to follow your desires and impulses, take some chances, rebel against your parents (time will tell who's right) (neither one of you will BTW), travel, get OUTSIDE (the graphics are SO much better).
Odds are a 19 year old is tough enough and versatile enough to survive it.
 
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