Married People with Separate Monies

[SumoNinja]

Well this guy was a pharmacist (they make over 100K), I am not sure what his wife did for a living. I suspect, nothing. To have to ask to use your own money is insane.

Anyway, I guess people who get married young do have shared account. But I am 39 and it will be a cold day in hell before some woman assumes that she can have access to everything I have worked hard to save)))) You should always contribute and help, but please keep your money separate, unless you want to lose everything you have worked hard for (divorce, wife overspending do happen and they happen often)

Our mindsets are completely different, which is fine.

I totally get what you're saying and there probably is some truth to the age thing. You're so used to being on your own way into your adult life that it'll feel so foreign to share money or have to answer to someone about spending what you worked for. I get it. That's cool.

 

[spotfin]

Been married for almost 20 years. We had separate account before we got married, and still have them today. We do have access to each other's accounts, but it's never been an issue of my money or her money. There was a day when I earned more than her and carried most of our financial load. Today, she makes double what I do.
We each typically pay the same bills each month. I usually cover the mortgage and groceries, she usually pays utilities, insurance, etc.
I don't see an issues with couples having their own accounts.

 

[Atfownz]

separate or joint accounts. If you didnt get that prenup and you are the bread winner, good luck getting your "money" share.

 

[skjl47]

If you didnt get that prenup and you are the bread winner, good luck getting your "money" share.

hello; People can be in love, live together and be happy. I knew a couple who lived together for nearly ten (10) years. They got married and were separated within two years.

Love and pulling together can be had without being married. Marriage is a legally binding contract and can be a bear to deal with when things go wrong.

As with the couple I mentioned it seems that "marriage" changes things. It changed things between me and my two wives. There is a different mindset once the "I do's" are said. It also may be that money is right up there with infidelity as major problems in a marriage.

 

[Atfownz]

For me I think my marriage really solidified my relationship with my wife. I am the main bread maker in our household and really dont mind my wife having access to my accounts and using my money for whatever bc I know for a fact, i would have not become successful without her. The reason why I work so damn hard is to ensure I am able to support everything I could not have done for her earlier in our dating days when we were just in college, working minimum wage jobs.

But of course it comes down to knowing your spouse. Is he/she able to be trusted with monetary responsibility? **** money sure dont grow on trees but sure can be gone within a blink of an eye.

 

[Warborg]

hello; People can be in love, live together and be happy. I knew a couple who lived together for nearly ten (10) years. They got married and were separated within two years.

I had a friend that was that way. Lived with a girl for 5-10 years...finally got married and less then 3 years later they were divorced.

 

[aztsm]

I don't think there's anything wrong with joint or separate. Just depends on the individuals I guess. My wife and I have our joint and separate accounts. There's really no thought or purpose for it though. We discuss all purchases out of respect for each other. We both buy what we need when we need it, but anything unnecessary usually gets a heads up.

I don't think my wife has ever said no to me ever... although I have probably steered her clear of a few things. We're both pretty smart with our money though. Neither of us are wild spenders.

 

[skjl47]

Hello; A bit of a side story but still n the spirit of the thread. A gut I know is on his second marriage. The new wife is an ok person and worlds better than the first wife as far as I can tell. This is not to point, just background.

The new wife is a smoker while the "hubby" is not. Seems she promised to quit smoking at some point before they got married. She has tried a few times but not lately. I think she wanted to quit smoking and that the promise was sincere at some level. Here is the point. There are fanciful ideas we have about things such as "I will quit smoking when we get married because I love you and do not want you to be around the smoke." That may not have been the way things were actually said. I was not present but know the promise was made.

The reality is that she has not quit smoking and I doubt that she ever will quit. Some folks cannot do it. Enough time has passed that I doubt it will come up often if ever again. I think she wanted to quit and keep her promise but it is not going to happen. You may figure I have no way to know this but I do have some background. Before I married my second wife she also promised to quit smoking. I did not wait for her to quit and we got married. She never did quit while we were married and as far as I know never quit later.


I sorta see the same sort of pattern with money in marriages. I think money issues are among the top issues with failed marriages. There is the idealized concept of shared accounts, pulling as a team, and were in this love together. Then there is a reality that strikes over half of us.

I guess in the end we take a chance when we marry and money is one of the things we risk ( maybe not the bigger risk at all.) Maybe a long time spent in an engagement getting to know each other helps. But even a long engagement may not help unless each person takes a good hard look at how they feel about such issues as money.

 

[Hendre]

I guess it's just a compatability thing. One of many needed for long term I guess

 

[skjl47]

a compatability thing. One of many needed for long term I guess

Hello; Yes one of many. I doubt that any two people will mesh and be compatible on everything. Many of the things that do not mesh will not be of much importance and can be part of a reasonable give and take. One likes classical while the other like rock, no big deal except for opera.
Some things are, or should be, deal breakers. Children or no children, religion, drug addiction perhaps including tobacco and alcohol, and being married and living in a parents basement are a few. Such things need to be examined closely and not glossed over.
I know how easy it is to not look beyond the good stuff in a relationship because I have done that very thing. You are in love and do not really see the stumbling blocks for what they actually are. If you do not take a look at these things until after the "I do's" then it is kinda late. looking back on my two marriages I can see that the signs I ignored were around, I just did no pay attention.