U GOT JOKES?

[greenterra]

The perfect excuse!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And was somewhat upset.
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried.
"How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children !
I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce straight away !"
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days !
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please .. do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

 

[tankyou]

The perfect excuse!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And was somewhat upset.
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried.
"How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children !
I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce straight away !"
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days !
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please .. do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

That was a good one greentera!!! LOL Keep em rolling everyone this is great lol.

 

[tankyou]

joke threads seem to end too quickly here.

Naw...it just waits on the next joke....

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

[tankyou]

Moma jokes lol................................

Yo momma's so fat she needs a VCR for a pager

Yo Momma so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs

Your mama's so fat that her belly button makes an echo

Yo momma's so fat her cerial bowl comes with a lifeguard

Yo momma so fat when she walks past window we lose four days of sun light

Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptised at sea world

Your momma's so fat when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep tryin to get back up again

Your mammas so fat and stupid, when it was raining she used the freeway for a slip and slide

Yo momma's so fat that when the whales saw her they started singing "we are family"

Yo momma is so fat when she goes to a restaurant she has to be greased in and out of the boothes

Yo mamma's so fat she was attacked by japenese mlitary, they thought she was godzillas wife.

Yo mamma's so fat when she went on school feild trips the school had to raise fund to feed her.

Your momma's so fat she makes free willy look like a goldfish

Yo mama is so fat when I layed back on her stomach i rolled twce and I was still in the middle

 

[Red Devil]

It is confirmed McDonald's has reached Africa...

 

[Razman]

It is confirmed McDonald's has reached Africa...

THAT IS PURE GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Red Devil]

glad you liked it Razman haha

 

[greenterra]

[is confirmed McDonald's has reached Africa... [/SIZE]

 

[Red Devil]

 

[BIGgourami]

You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding
that
took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper
and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300
guests...

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone
for
coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank
his
new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone
a
special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair,
including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift
for
everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex
with
the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier
and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just
watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to
the
best man and said, "F--- you". Then he turned to his bride and said,
"F---you".

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "Im outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after
finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade,
as if
nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300
guest
wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the brides and best
mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of
this?:

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends ..
$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion ... $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui ... $8,500.

The look on everyones face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride
humping the best man..........Priceless.

There are some things money cant buy, for everything else theres MASTERCARD