You got jokes? Post em!

[kevinfleming21]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

[krichardson]

Ha!..good one Kev.....A man gets on a bus,pays his fare and before taking a seat,he notices another passenger in a seat with a monkey on his lap.The man yells to the the bus driver,there is a mokey on this bus.The bus driver answers,yes,and if you sit down and be quiet no one will notice you.

 

[kevinfleming21]

lol

 

[kevinfleming21]

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely pooped my pants."

 

[Chub_by]

^good one.

 

[kevinfleming21]

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

 

[aclockworkorange]

A moth walks in to a bar... Bartender asks "what are you doing here?". Moth says "the light was on."

A termite walks in to a bar. Asks "is the bar tender here?"


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[Ang]

So there was this mollusk... and he walks up to this sea cucumber .......well he doesnt really walk up, he swims up. ... well actually the mollusk isnt moving. He's in one place. And then the sea cucumber.... wait, i'm mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber.... none of them were walking

 

[kevinfleming21]

Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it!

 

[krichardson]

Ha ha....I like how it started though,"So there was this mollusk".