need some personal advice

[the big kahuna]

First off, you must get your fiancée to agree with you that it is time for her brother to move out. You do not want to do anything that will mess up your relationship over this. Like you said, she practically raised him. I’m talking about moving him out and not him paying rent or anything like that. If he starts paying rent, he might think he can stay there forever. Then the 2 of you tell him this was suppose to be short-term arrangement and that he needs to start looking for job so your family can get its space back.

The thing is, if he ain’t got job and no income, I don’t really think your wife will kick him out. Can he really support himself if he is kicked out? And will the sister allow him to have no where to go? You do not want this to get between you and your fiancée, this is her little brother.

That's what's troubling me. Not the kicking out part that's easy, its my fiancee and any possible uneeded stress and tension

 

[jsodwi]

Get him out of there. It may be hard for her to see the reasoning right now but if you let it go on longer, its gonna cause a lot more stress between you your girl and your kids. At 26 years old he needs to start getting his life together and letting him freeload off of you guys is not helping him

 

[Scorponok]

I don't think he is mentally healthy if he is not actively seeking for a job, given that he should know that he can't stay and freeload you guys forever. You should at least find out if he might be a disgruntled job seek due to the bad economy, or get your fiancée to find out what his intensions are with his plan for the future.

 

[the big kahuna]

He's a grown man with 2 kids of his own that he's doing absolutely nothing for himself or his kids
In addition any energy that I have left is for myself my family and my fish. If he was
trying to be productive I would feel differently.

 

[Ash]

Well its obviously bothering you and it will probably get to the point where it REALLY bothers you and if thats the case it could end up affecting your relationship anyways if he starts to really bug you. You need to sit down with the wifey and tell her how you feel. If you dont talk to her about it, then I personally think you are just making things worse on your self by not speaking up. Just explain it to her in an understanding way so that she doesnt get mad and let her know how you see things. I think setting a deadline is a great idea. If he has kids then he can get off his butt and look for a job. Its one thing to look for a job and not have luck getting the job, but its another when you are not even trying. If you have another kid on the way you have that kid to worry about and thats parents bedroom. and 2 kids bedrooms and now another kid on the way so you already have a full house as it is with just you family alone, let alone having him around free loading.

 

[knifegill]

He needs help. Drive him to the temp agency and baby-sit him through the application process. Once a man has a job with a boss and other responsibilities it's like a switch gets flipped and he changes into a responsible person. Sounds like he's riding you because he can. If you renegotiate the terms in a way that doesn't scare him or stress you, he might take care of himself and proudly move out with his held held high. Help with a job hunt and set a deadline that gives him enough breathing room. Sudden pressure and fear can possibly drive the lazy human to further excuse-making and hiding in holes. He probably just needs a gentle push to get running on his own again.

 

[Ash]

He needs help. Drive him to the temp agency and baby-sit him through the application process. Once a man has a job with a boss and other responsibilities it's like a switch gets flipped and he changes into a responsible person. Sounds like he's riding you because he can. If you renegotiate the terms in a way that doesn't scare him or stress you, he might take care of himself and proudly move out with his held held high. Help with a job hunt and set a deadline that gives him enough breathing room. Sudden pressure and fear can possibly drive the lazy human to further excuse-making and hiding in holes. He probably just needs a gentle push to get running on his own again.

Not bad advice either.... its like being stuck in a rut. I had to force my bf into going to school (as I even filld out all the stupid paperwork)... but he is still in school and soon to finish one degree and get working on the next and he is proud of it. I dont think he would have done it had I not pushed him to. Maybe sir bum man needs a push.

 

[Pharaoh]

Do this just for her. Make him get a job and pay rent. Keep the rent money and set it aside for safe keeping. Once he has his feet on the ground, you can help him(with his own money) to get back on his feet. This way, you are giving him the hard boot in the ass he needs, but you will still have a plan to support him should he really need help. Bottom line for the wife is taking care of the family, so show her that you want to do so, but also have him fend for himself.

EDIT:

You can also try explaining to him that you are having "trouble" covering everything and that you need his help with the bills. This puts the responsibility part in his court.

 

[Pyramid_Party]

Tell him to try and get welfare/general relief or SSI or something. Tell him to atleast start buying his own food. Maybe if he has enough to afford that, you can ask for more. He's gotta have something or hes never going to want to leave. He won't be able to. The only option will be to kick him out and then that creates problems between you and your wife.

The best thing to do is try and get him an income, whether its welfare or whatever. Then once that happens work on the next step.

 

[Pharaoh]

If he is capable of working, I don't recommend welfare/SSI. This would just perpetuate the cycle.