so confused....

[xander]

If you only knew.....because of my opinion, I have not gone thru anything hard in life??? you are clueless, I could tell you stories that would make you sick...but its not my style to look for sympathy on a forum...

oh im sure you wouldn't

 

[dmopar74]

beating her boyfriend up will not make you look like a hero or like your doing justice in her eyes. to her youll look like the ***hole for beating someone up she "loves". also dont push the subject with her, it wont work. its pretty obvious to him that your trying to move in on her, which you are. i'd break your legs too, but im no wife beater.

alls im saying is ive beat up the bad guy before, it didnt work.
ive also had another guy seriously try to take my old lady, almost to the point of full on stocking. this is a very dangerous situation for you, as if i wouldve ever got my hands on the guy it deff wouldve ended bad.

best bet is to do nothing and be their for her. it's not what you want to hear, but true.

 

[brianjh]

thank you. that made brian shut up and jump sides pretty quick.

Didnt jump sides, I still wouldnt waste my time with a woman like that. Call me selfish if you want, I can take that....
It just shows by the quality of your posts in this thread that you have no opinion on this matter, so why post ??? so you can be a cheerleader for waterbaby?
In Nativelovers first post he asks us "what would you do" ??
Unlike yourself I actually gave my opinion. you have contributed nothing but sarcasm.
You are a clown, and I am done with you and this thread...sorry native lover for derailing...

 

[AroW]

I agree with brianjh's advice to some extent, but definitely not his reasoning.

For most guys, it is best to avoid this type of girl, especially if you are young. You are young, there are plenty of other girls out there with less baggage. Why get involved? You dont need something to unnecessarily complicate your life unless you really are prepared for it.

If you like her precisely for all her baggage(not in spite of all her baggage), then do it
ie. you view her situation not as a flaw that could be overlooked, but rather something that you feel makes her more meaningful to you. Her current behaviors should not piss you off at all(not many people can see it that way). Chances are, you will be dealing with it much more as time goes on, and you might actually turn into the victim at one point (you might want to just leave her alone at one point, but you've gotten too involved with her already and have a sense of obligation to carry this through to the end, no matter how stressful it might be on you--do you see what I mean?)

and, be ready to take some abuse of your own mentally, emotionally, etc. You will be taking on additional mental stress at this point. If you are not a generally optimistic person or just get stressed by relationship issues easily, stay out. I personally know I wont be able to handle the mental stress aspect of these things.

If you have any feelings of self doubt or feelings of possible future regret, Stay out at all cost.

This is my opinion on this.
In short, 99.9% guys would want to help her out when they see this. The truth is that only 1% of less would actually be *able* to help.

 

[phantoms]

so whats the plan nativelover? any idea of what you are gonna do?

 

[Spankbelly]

maybe a driver? lol guys like this just need to be beaten and dragged out back and shot. they are garbage. i could never hit a woman. not even defending myself do i think i could hit a woman. its just not right.

I could, hit a woman.
Not for sport or dominance as most do.
I grew up with the beats.
Bad beats. Every day.
My uncle liked to strap me to a chair with a clear plastic bag taped around my head so he could watch me die.
And so I could watch him watching me.
So I'd know he had the power.
After I passed out he'd bring me back. So I could learn to be grateful.
And so he could do it again.
Once my uncle beat me so bad he thought I was going to die.
So he drove me over to my dad's place. When they opened the car door I fell out and lay bleeding in the gravel while they discussed the problem.
Can't go to the hospital, too many questions.
Can't just bury me in the field, eventually bigger questions.
So my uncle got in the wielding truck. A three tonne dually, with the wielding equipment and generator in back.
My dad put me in front of it. And stood on my shoulder so I couldn't crawl away.
Then we went to the hospital.
I was three years old.
My pelvis was so smashed they couldn't count all the pieces by X-Ray.
They wired together what they could, but gave up and said I'd never walk again. My spine had slipped between the duel wheels so that was ok. But the tires sheared off all my ribs at the spine and drove the bones through my organs and out of my chest.
I spent months in an oxygen tent. To limit infection to the wounds over torn organs.
When I got out, I did learn to walk again.
Years later, my dad and I went for a walk in the woods.

I am not a little boy now. I don't have to take crap from anybody.
Not even a woman.
I explain this at the start of every relationship.
Be nice to me, I'll be nice to you.
Want to talk about a problem? We'll talk.
Want to yell? We'll yell.
Hit me? I'll stomp your skull into the ground.
Just because they have breasts does not give them the right to throw temper tantrums.
Just because I am a man does not mean I have to stand there and let someone hurt me.
If I am grown up enough to control my emotions and take a time out when I need one, I expect the same.
I explain this.
They understand.
I have never had to hit a woman.
Because they know I will.
So we talk. About big problems and little problems. We fall in love and break up. Life goes on.
But we do it as adults. We do it with respect.

Your girl?
Women who get beat once are surprised.
Women who get beat repeatedly...must want it.
I don't know why. I can't relate.

 

[Yoji_嬰孩]

I could never hit a woman..........well I could hit "Laila Ali" but im afraid she would kill me afterwards, LoL

 

[Spankbelly]

nativelovers girl, not phantoms
I meant the girl with a problem

 

[johnson5585]

Not a professional here but it sounds like you should not make the problem worse. If she really is your friend think of her and not yourself if you know what I mean. I don't know that I would call the cops because that also may make things worse. It seems that people in general who are the abuser or the abused in a relationship is caused by something that happened to them or one of their family members as a child. Child that was abused tends to find themselves in relationships with people who abuse them or becomes an abuser themselves. The Human mind and how it works is very complicated. There always seems to be more to the story when they finally talk to a professional counselor/Doctor. When she said it was complicated it probably really is and not the relationship but her thought process on the problem. If I were you just stay a good friend and try to get her to get some professional help. I feel the same way about going after the guy but I wouldn't because it would make things worse for her and you. Now if you are hanging out with her and homeboy attacks you for being a friend that is his bad not yours. Also, I think if she gets help and works through her issues the answer to her problem will become clear. Now you may not end up with her and just a friend but that is your own test and will have to deal with the outcome. Are you really a good friend? If so, the only thing that should matter is trying to get her help to help herself and nothing else.

 

[navygirl76]

ok from a psych point of view- i deal with bipolars everyday. a few of them can be very nasty if they are not taking their meds. You should really encourage her to break up with him, or if she wont, then if i were you encourage her to tell her parents, or you tell her parents. Sure, she will be mad at you-but she will get over it. The next time he beats her up, call the cops. The only drawback of that is is she may not press charges-and youll just piss him off even more.
Either way, she said it was complicated. that means that she feels sorry for him, believes that she loves him (but doesnt really know what love feels like-she may have been abused or neglected by men or her parents in the past...) and that he is a pity case. she believes she can help him, help fix him and wants to-. He probably beats her, then cries and apologizes and plays the guilt card on her.
Someone needs to tell her that this isnt true love, that anyone who loves her would never raise a hand to her, and would treat her as an equal-not as property.
If you cant help her, and her parents refuse to i guess i would go to the police-or call a local counseling center (or mental health center) and see if she will go talk to a counselor.It seems like she has some issues herself that she needs to put past her if she is allowing someone else to treat her that way.
she needs to understand that she will never EVER change him. and he will just get worse over time-especially with no medication or psychological counseling for his bipolar, anger issues, abuse issues (also verbal abuse).
He will end up going too far one day and really hurt her or possibly kill her.


someone a few posts up stated women who get beat more than once ask for it- as a matter of fact, women who get beat more than once DO NOT WANT OR ASK FOR IT. they are victims, and feel trapped, unworthy, unloved by everyone so they figure they deserve it. they feel if they were worth more, then they would somehow get treated better. they are brainwashed by the abuser into thinking "he says he loves me, and that hes doing this because he loves me.. and that no one else ever will, because im not worth it". thats like saying that a woman who gets repeatedly raped, or a child that endures years of sexual abuse and beatings asked for it. that is an ignorant and irresponsible remark and it pisses me off. i know this because while i was in the Navy i was 4th Medical BN's SAVI (sexual assault victim intervention) coordinator-ive had alot of training in abuse cases.

i work with truely disturbed psych patients in my job everyday on a locked hospital ward. i know mental illness-and i know what it looks like when they arent taking their meds, and what a completely different person they are when they are on them. i get wheelchairs, water pitchers, cups of piss, and food thrown at me and get called bi**h a few times a week. Oh and i dont ask for it either.

native, she probably got mad and hung up on you because YOU are the one she vents to, and trusts-and talks to.. and probably only you. dont just ditch her-she needs someone to talk to and get through this with-its obvious she needs help, and she is really leaning on you. i know you leave for boot soon, but promise her to write her (you will have time to write her, trust me-boot camp isnt that bad) and call when you can and when you get out of boot hopefully you can come home and check up on her.. she should be through the storm by then-IF (and a big one) she got away from him and was strong enough to break it off from him without him hurting her.