U GOT JOKES?

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car And was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug
Through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied,

"It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and Handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then Handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop"
 
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"








He says, "Because you're ugly."
 
Brian and Sarah are staying in a hotel and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settle down, Brian, not quite ready for slumber, leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy doops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite weddy for nighty-nighty yet."
Sarah takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Brian jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone, "Oh my precious little honey bunny, is your nosey wosey all righty?" No harm is done to her nose so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.
Afterwards, Sarah goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Brian looks over and grunts, "Clumsy bjtch."
 
A woman in her fifties is at home, happily jumping unclothed on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came back from having a mammogram and the doctor said not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old."

The husband then asks, "What did he say about your 52-year-old ass ?"

"Oh, he never mentioned you," she replies.
 
Liz isnt in her 50's, wierd joke anyway.
 
Okay so there was this new work office. They found out that putting a bar at the top of the building made them work more efficient. But alas, this one day there is one guy in there that no one remembers seeing before. So the new guy goes up to him, starts asking him questions "hey whats wrong?" "want to talking about it?" and the drunk is like. No just leave me alone. I just want to drink. "are you sure?" the new guy keeps on bugging the hell out of him.
So the drunk says, "you know if you walk out that window because the building is so high up the updraft can suspend you in mid air"
The new guy is appalled and is like. No way, that would never happen that doesn't work.
So the drunk opens the window sure enough he's floating there. Looks inside and is like "see? Believe me now? how about you try?"
The new guy goes out the window and falls straight down to the ground pancakes on the pavement. Not a pretty sight.
The bartender looks at the drunkard and says "wow superman you are one mean drunk"
 
already been posted, well, a joke exactly like it.
 
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. -I know,- he says, they say you cant take it with you. But who knows? Suppose theyre mistaken. Id like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that its useful, Ill have something. They each agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, -Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we havent be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friends money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked.-
At this the priest says, -I, too have a confession to make. As you know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as our friend requested.-
Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says -I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
MonsterFishKeepers.com
Top Bottom