Shared acct. Wife makes slightly more. I buy whatever fish stuff I like, she buys whatever she wants. But, we are responsible with our purchases. Our kids, house is priority. I have never spend more than $350 on a single fish, by choice. I just drool over other member's purchases! This shared acct has worked for 24 yrs years!
Married People with Separate Monies
- Thread starter SumoNinja
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xraycer
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888fish
Congrats, it's nice to see people truly devoted to one another in this day and age.Having an ex-wife who left friction burns with her departure I've learned a thing or two. Which is keeping money separate has it's benefits and I'm not just talking about protection in a divorce. I could go into a tedious rant about Equitable distribution versus Community states but I'll try not to bore everyone too much.
Just from the whole threat of stolen identities it makes sense. It ensures that there's always a back up account and credit. It protects your spouse from your debt should you pass and vice versa(in Equitable distribution states). It can make it easier to handle a sickness or job loss. And IMO it creates an environment where you're more likely to discuss major purchases and in some cases may make it necessary. Which IMO can strengthen the partnership.
My wife quit work to raise our child so whatever I earned became our money something that I am happy with but we have always kept bank accounts in our own names, there has been cases were one spouse has died and joint accounts have been frozen for a week or so till the will or power of attorney is sorted out, also with the amount of identity theft now days just seems sensible to me.
i guess i was unclear in the op, my fault
i totally understand what everyone is saying. some have their own accts and one joint for their own finance/bill paying management purposes, while for others with separate accts they just simply have an understanding and it just works for them. and i believe it was borg who liked to spend other people's money and not pay back so things went to collection and so it affected his wife. i totally get all that.
what makes it strange for me personally is the mentality of "this is my money, i earned it, you have no right to tell me what to do with my money, that's your money, i don't hassle you about what you do with your money, leave me alone, etc"
i just feel like in that scenario, there's a gap or separation somewhere. like a lack of bond or trust
in my personal life, we have had joint accts since day one. when we got married, that week we went to the banks and i added her to my accts. and when we bought cars or a home both our names went on it. i fully live to the traditional "two become one, what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours" mentality of marriage. for me it's cultural, religious and just personal mentality of mine
i totally understand what everyone is saying. some have their own accts and one joint for their own finance/bill paying management purposes, while for others with separate accts they just simply have an understanding and it just works for them. and i believe it was borg who liked to spend other people's money and not pay back so things went to collection and so it affected his wife. i totally get all that.
what makes it strange for me personally is the mentality of "this is my money, i earned it, you have no right to tell me what to do with my money, that's your money, i don't hassle you about what you do with your money, leave me alone, etc"
i just feel like in that scenario, there's a gap or separation somewhere. like a lack of bond or trust
in my personal life, we have had joint accts since day one. when we got married, that week we went to the banks and i added her to my accts. and when we bought cars or a home both our names went on it. i fully live to the traditional "two become one, what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours" mentality of marriage. for me it's cultural, religious and just personal mentality of mine
this is kind of what i'm talking about, lol. you can do and live however you want. i don't judge you for it. you do you and when you're married and if you both feel that way and it works for you, by all means go for it. my only advise if you care to hear it would be just be clear about that to her before you marry her. but i think you are in for a wake up call with that mentality, lol.
and i gotta admit, it is strange to me.
but i think to call someone a loser for asking about a purchase is kind of harsh and a bit premature judgement. there's nothing wrong with letting a partner know about a purchase. maybe it's not that they are asking permission but they just have a respect and understanding to do that, maybe it's a big purchase, maybe they already have an understanding established that they would both talk about unplanned or leisure purchases. maybe she handles all the finances and he doesn't know if they have the funds, who knows?
unless you know him that well and you know that he's a wuss, then that's another thing. but you shouldn't jump to that "loser" conclusion and put anyone and everyone under that blanket
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Hello; Good that it is working out for you so far. You are still in the 40+% of ongoing marriages.
That was the way it went with my first wife right up to the time it did no longer work. I worked, she stayed home even tho she had a college degree. We married while in college. We both had loans. My sole income paid off all the loans. My salary paid the rent and all expenses. When she left most of the furniture went also.
I am among the 50+% for whom marriage does not work out over time. That puts me in a slight majority. I do not plan to marry for a third time so should not have to decide. I have managed to put back some savings and now own a house outright. I cannot see putting that in the pot for another try at marriage.
Good luck
Sorry to hear that. But we're talking about different things. Your marriages not working out doesn't prove or suggest that joint accts don't work.
A good marriage will work whether you have separate or joint accts. And a doomed marriage will be doomed whether you have joint or separate accts.
I think money becomes an issue in a marriage as a result of other bigger problems but that's another thread.
I would like to believe I'd never divorce, don't plan on it, but if it happened I can assure you it won't be because of my bank accts
Now that I do understand your question, yes I agree; I personally don't understand the mentality either. It's one thing to have separate accounts it's another to think that you're not in it together financially. Even though I've been burned, I still am of the mind one of the most important things that a marriage should be centered around is trust. And when you truly trust someone you share everything including money.
As I said before though I'm still of the mind though that separate accounts work best to protect one another. For instance any joint credit cards become debt for the surviving spouse in the case of one passing. Your best bet would to make them a certified user instead. In an equitable state the surviving spouse would only be responsible for credit cards in their name or joint accounts. They can still choose to pay your cards if they want but are no longer held to the same responsibility and repercussions if they can't make a payment. Such as it affecting their credit score, lawsuits, frozen funds, garnishments, etc.
Unfortunately in a community state(which if remember you're in Cali which is a community state) your spouse is responsible for any debt incurred while you where married regardless if the account was in their name or not or if it was joint or not. As such when one of you passes the responsibility will fall on the surviving partner to keep up with the payments or pay off the debt.
Having separate accounts may even work in your favor in getting higher credit lines if one spouse has a lower credit score then the other. For instance let's say I have an 820 and my wife has a 748. Any interest rate and approval amount will be based on both our scores in a joint account instead of my higher score. Except when it comes to mortgages, which maybe negatively impacted by your spouses credit score regardless if their name is on it or not. If they get their own credit card their limit will be based on their score and you can get one based on yours therefore netting you more available funds and actions in the case of non payment due to job loss or other economic hardship. Unless you share a bank account as well then a portion of that can be seized. Heck such things are even legal if you're not married. Happened to me with an ex-girlfriend I shared a bank account with. Despite me proving everything in the account was money I deposited from my pay checks her credit company was allowed to freeze it and take half.
I know you where talking to skjl47 and I was about to disagree but you're right. Money problems are usually rooted in bigger problems. If it is becomes an issue it usually means at least one partner is inconsiderate, selfish or irresponsible.
TL;DR Too bad there's some good info. in there that just might be worth reading.
I didn't like the situation. I have a good paying job and ran up the credit card but was paying it on time. Then I lost my job. I also had a protection plan in place with them that if I lost my job they would freeze the account until I got another job. When I called and told them I lost my job, they refused. They locked the account and doubled the interest rate, penalized me for being late and going over the limit. If the payment was $100, it became $170. They also told me I would have to apply for the protection plan(even though I'd been paying for it for 2 years). When the application came it requested that I get a hand signature of my last 5 bosses(which was impossible since some of the companies I worked for totally dissolved).
A year later I was still living off my parents handouts to keep the house and car. I tried a comission based job that promised a good salary but it just sucked more money out of me(gas money). By this time the Credit company double the amount on the card(around $8,000). When I finally got a good job and could stop living off of soup and mac&cheese they had the debt at nearly $20,000. A few years later they claimed I owed $60,000. This was all off of about $4,000
Originally, I wanted to file bankruptcy. But zero money in equals zero money out. I then got married and urged caution to the wife about this. A few more years passed before the 'seized' our account. I went ahead a filed bankruptcy at this point.
I did feel bad over this at first, I knew it was money I owed...but they had fault in this as well.
