Am I the only one?

[Miguel]

ok, i didnt read the whole 15 pages, but i read the first two and the last one, and i dont think the subject got derailed at all, so heres my two cents.

this may sound selfish, but as i learned in ethics, everyones acts are about 99% of the time in their own self-interest, anyways.

my gf wants to have kids. i dont. i can respect the fact that she wants kids but i am still iffy on it.

my problem is that i have aspirations for my future fish tanks, all i am really concerned about is being with my gf, school, work, and fish.

and with these aspirations comes a price. she says she wants to wait a few years after we get a house to have kids, i could agree with that, but at the same time, i want to save up about 30,000 for my shed with ponds in it and three tanks in my basement. but what i see happening is that by the time that goal amount comes around, so will a child, and that money will be drained quickly on assorted purchases etc., therefore, killing my aspirations right on the spot.

i want to get these things set up as soon as i move into a new place, but i also see the money going towards furniture and appliances, you know, less important stuff...... plus with the food costs on some larger catfish, plus the electric and water bills, im afraid that once a child arrives, or even before that, all hope will be lost.

then it would turn into waiting "just another year....", into me not having anything and look its graduation day!

idk just how i see things playing out for me, i really hope that doesnt happen.....

i can really agree with you on not wanting to have kids. waking up in the middle of the night, the puking, pooping, the screaming (omg!), my gf's sister had a kid, and after about 10 seconds of screaming i am about ready to walk out of the room.

i did not know you couldnt get one until you were 30, which is crap, is 14 year olds can get abortions, why can we get an outpatient procedure done, its our body, our money, our choice.

although i dont want any, i will probably end up having one, but that is far down the road, thank the lord. and it is yet to be set in stone, and i am the only one who is able to pass the chisel if you know what i mean. (good pun eh?)

the biggest problem i have is that, i just got out of high school, and kids these days, have no respect whatsoever. id love to teach my child to be respectful, and to not be some *bleeped out word*, but its too hard almost.

id also like to make sure that they were raised much better than i was, really the only i have to like for being a parent.

theres my two cents

nitro

Now don't get me wrong, but one way to have "respectfull kids", kids who are normal human beings and know how to interact with society, is to start by not balancing the decision to have them or not to have them in comparison with other material thing, such as tanks and / or ponds.

Those things are not comparable. And if we compare them, there is a danger we transmit such rationale to the kids...from there to unrespectfull, a mere breeze...

 

[rallysman]

, is to start by not balancing the decision to have them or not to have them in comparison with other material thing, such as tanks and / or ponds.

Why not!?
If tanks and ponds are more important to him thank kids then that decision really needs to be made.

It's better to think about what really matters to you then it is to just let it "happen". That's the answer I don't understand at all. When someone asks me why I don't want kids, I'll explain and ask "why did you have kids". I often times get the answer "I dunno, it just happened".

How the hell do you NOT think about things like that before hand?

 

[Miguel]

Why not!?
If tanks and ponds are more important to him thank kids then that decision really needs to be made.

It's better to think about what really matters to you then it is to just let it "happen". That's the answer I don't understand at all. When someone asks me why I don't want kids, I'll explain and ask "why did you have kids". I often times get the answer "I dunno, it just happened".

How the hell do you NOT think about things like that before hand?

First off, my reply ( albeit quoting the poster above me ) was not pointed at same ( merely using the example ), but in broad terms at people who base their decision on having or not having kids with eventual "petty" constraints that might be imposed on their lives.

I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids. I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids based on economical constraints. I am aware that there are people who don't want kids simply because they don't like kids ( although I do not believe in it ).

But I find that taking the decision of not having kids because one wants a better car, or more money, or more tanks, is mixing apples with oranges, kids are not things, kids are not comparable to assets, measurable against assets that take the place of other assets.

And, as far as I read this thread ( and I went through all 15 pages of it ) I saw no indication whatsoever about "the just happened " theory that you mention, Levi, nor was I trying to convey anything related thereto.

 

[nitrofish1]

Why not!?
If tanks and ponds are more important to him thank kids then that decision really needs to be made.

It's better to think about what really matters to you then it is to just let it "happen". That's the answer I don't understand at all. When someone asks me why I don't want kids, I'll explain and ask "why did you have kids". I often times get the answer "I dunno, it just happened".

How the hell do you NOT think about things like that before hand?

good point. and to the above point, my point is that, kids may hinder my aspirations, which i can easily see happening. like i stated, it sounds selfish, but when your life aspirations are interrupted, not too happy about it i dont think. again this sounds really bad to me, but i really dont know how else to put it, i just have this gut feeling that something is going to get in the way and its not going to happen for me.

 

[nitrofish1]

First off, my reply ( albeit quoting the poster above me ) was not pointed at same ( merely using the example ), but in broad terms at people who base their decision on having or not having kids with eventual "petty" constraints that might be imposed on their lives.

I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids. I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids based on economical constraints. I am aware that there are people who don't want kids simply because they don't like kids ( although I do not believe in it ).

But I find that taking the decision of not having kids because one wants a better car, or more money, or more tanks, is mixing apples with oranges, kids are not things, kids are not comparable to assets, measurable against assets that take the place of other assets.

And, as far as I read this thread ( and I went through all 15 pages of it ) I saw no indication whatsoever about "the just happened " theory that you mention, Levi, nor was I trying to convey anything related thereto.

i can see what your getting at here. but for me its like i really want these things to happen, but i dont think it would work out having both, and one would be cut off, the expendable one.

 

[jcardona1]

But I find that taking the decision of not having kids because one wants a better car, or more money, or more tanks, is mixing apples with oranges, kids are not things, kids are not comparable to assets, measurable against assets that take the place of other assets.

I don't understand this. Sure it may be apples to oranges, but what is wrong with not wanting to have kids simply because they want more money for toys or hobbies? I see no problem in that. Are they being selfish, or greedy? I think not. The way I see, we were granted our lives to LIVE, not to reproduce. And if one doesn't want kids so they can enjoy the "finer" things in life, more power to them.

 

[Miguel]

i just have this gut feeling that something is going to get in the way and its not going to happen for me.

hehe, what is going to happen to you is a bunch of snotty brats, that is what is going to happen to you ( you already have it all figured out in your subconscious )

 

[rallysman]

First off, my reply ( albeit quoting the poster above me ) was not pointed at same ( merely using the example ), but in broad terms at people who base their decision on having or not having kids with eventual "petty" constraints that might be imposed on their lives.

I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids. I fully understand someone's decision not to have kids based on economical constraints. I am aware that there are people who don't want kids simply because they don't like kids ( although I do not believe in it ).

But I find that taking the decision of not having kids because one wants a better car, or more money, or more tanks, is mixing apples with oranges, kids are not things, kids are not comparable to assets, measurable against assets that take the place of other assets.

And, as far as I read this thread ( and I went through all 15 pages of it ) I saw no indication whatsoever about "the just happened " theory that you mention, Levi, nor was I trying to convey anything related thereto.

You haven't seen the "just happened" thing because no one asked WHY people had kids For someone that doesn't want anything to do to kids, they're really just things (GASP!) so the consideration is not too far off.


Hell, take it one step further, a lot of people treat own their kids like they're just things. (I know that's not anyone here, otherwise they wouldn't be talking about it)

 

[rallysman]

actually, I retract the "kids are things" part. I think about someone wrecking a car to wrecking a kid, and it is much much different.

I should say, to some, things are more important than having their own kids.

With that said, too many people do treat their kids like things.

 

[Miguel]

I won't go deeper into this conversation, because this is above all, if talked about seriously and not as bravado, an issue of " self conscience" ( for lack of a better expression ), so I am not trying to convince anyone, nor is anyone trying to convince me.

( would like to add, however, that most of you guys are in your late teens/late twenties/ early thirties; would love all of us reopening this thread in ten years time. And I would bet heavily on the outcome )

Suffice it to say ( not wanting to derail, Levi, the object of this here thread of yours ) that kids are the beginning and the future.